Father Timothy "Timo" Backous is a Catholic priest and headmaster of St. John’s Preperatory School in Collegeville, Minnesota.  His blog is called A Monk’s Tale.  He’s one of those people who would fit in perfectly at Ecumen – compassionate, creative, community builder, passionate, humorous, committed, innovative, and empowering -.  His mother is dying of Alzheimer’s. 

…. to the last and most important reality of this busy week: my mother is obviously dying and I’m fairly certain she won’t be able to fend off any kind of flu bug this winter. She was diagnosed with Altzheimer’s last March when stroke like symptoms began to diminish her overall health. She receives hospice care, spending most of her days in a hospital bed in her living room. My father is her doting and attentive care giver. When she speaks, she talks of rose gardens but today, as I sat next to her, she spoke of the garden of paradise…something I’ve not heard her mention until today.

She also claims the "Son of God is exploding" – an ominous sounding vision to say the least which I assume is nothing more than the product of her mental and physical deterioration. I have asked her if she’s ready to die, wants to die and she responds with an emphatic "NO!" All of this is certainly ironic because just last November, she was part of the audience at one of my talks on end of life issues.

At that time, I had asked her if her "wishes" were in order and she, typical of us all, replied that it was not necessary at this time. She was always insistent that there were to be no heroic, unnecessary means of sustaining her life but never signed a document to make those wishes legal or binding. I’m happy to say that the treatment she receives is respectful of her humanity dignity but makes no pretense of curing or restoring her to health.

We keep her warm, fed, washed and loved until that time when her frail body can not sustain this earthly life anymore. People ask me if this is difficult and of course it is but I always add that we all have to face this time sooner or later and in a way we are lucky: there is no pain, no terrible disease, no suffering. We have been able to say almost daily how much we love her and what a great mother she is to us. Many among us are not so fortunate.